One year later...

A reflection on what what I've learned while running Up in Smoke

Up in Smoke, the Instagram page, has officially existed for over a year! December 1st marked one year, and I can’t believe how rewarding it’s been to do this work, learn about a plant I love, and build a community of people who care about many of the things I do. The support I’ve received has been heartwarming and revealed to me who is really for ME. A friend of mine asked me what I know one year later that I wish I knew when I started my page. A series of voice notes later, I realized I had a lot to say on the matter. I use this space to teach about cannabis and explore how that work and my consumption impact me as a human. Up in Smoke has always been about awareness, reflection, and release, so if you oblige me, I’d like to share what I’ve learned over the last year. 

1. If you build it, they will come. It was easier to tell myself excuses than to just do the thing, but people showed up when I finally did. Nice, funny, supportive people showed up. So whatever the thing is you’re thinking of building. Do it. I bet we need your voice.  

2. Appreciate the early days. Instead of spending them wishing I had thousands of followers and newsletter subscribers, I should’ve basked in the manageable, tight-knit community I had in the beginning--before my page was big enough for any trolls or mansplainers to care about what I posted. Growth is amazing, but a consistent focus on it sometimes makes me miss, or overlook, the beauty of where I am and what I’ve accomplished. This is why I reflect. 😉

3. Ask for help. For much of my life, I was quite bad at asking for help; now I’m marginally better. Wanting Up in Smoke to grow and more people to know about cannabis was the push I needed to get bold about who I asked for help and what I asked for. I took a few leaps of faith and sent some cold DMs and emails that got me the outcomes I wanted. Of course, some of my messages didn’t get replies, but that’s to be expected. When things worked out, my asks yielded the results I wanted, so push past the fear of asking and do it anyway. Be specific with your ask, but also flexible.

4. The internet really is trash, but there are glimmers of beauty. Witnessing “tech Twitter” doxx women during gamergate engrained in me a clear sense of what can happen to women who ruffle the wrong feathers, sometimes by simply existing in a space women historically haven't. Having my work stolen and being gaslit about it felt terrible, and weeks later, I find myself engaging on IG with somewhat of a wall up. It’s like I won’t allow myself to fully let my guard down on there anymore. I hate that I feel this way, but it does give me a sense of control, albeit false. That said, I’ve met some folks with whom I will probably be lifelong friends, AND it feels like Instagram made the world feel a bit smaller during a time when the IRL world feels vast because I can’t travel or see loved ones. I’m choosing to cling to the beauty of the relationships I’ve fostered by sending memes, clouds, and voice notes. 🥲

5. The amount of personal work that would be required shocked me. I’m glad I’d already been to therapy before starting this work because working in public is hard and scary. You open yourself up to the scrutiny of both people whose opinions you care about and that of those you couldn’t care less about. Receiving feedback has never been my strong suit, but I know I’m way better at it now than I’ve ever been. That growth doesn’t make it any easier to have strangers share their unsolicited thoughts of my work and character. I got a few spiritual readings this year, a habit I started before Up in Smoke existed. Though they’ve always felt timely and necessary for removing creative blockages and fear, that was even more true this year. As a creator, when I’m not well, it shows in my work or lack thereof because I’m uninspired. Getting to the roots of my fears and insecurities is tough but necessary. I couldn’t imagine doing this work without emotional and spiritual guidance.

Overall, I’m so proud of my work and who I’ve grown into. I can’t thank you all enough for reading and rocking with me because this space is really where I process things. In 2021, I’d like to evolve the newsletter even more. I know I ask for feedback on every newsletter, but if you could reply and tell me one thing you’d like to see in the newsletter in 2021, I’d be so grateful. Do you like these musings type letters? Prefer canna-content? A hybrid? I want to hear from you! 

I hope you all have a peaceful, joyous holiday, whatever that means for YOU. Since I’m on vacation, this will be the last newsletter of the year. I’ll be spending my time off planning content for next year, working through my stash, and relaxing. 

Cheers friends,

Datrianna 

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